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May. 26th, 2006 07:22 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
asaelItem 1: I will never be good enough, ever, just in general. I kinda feel like I suck at being a human! For various reasons. But it's okay. Fuji will comfort me and bring me mojitos, and I will kick him and make him cry. It'll be awesome. *abuses own characters*
Item 2: I am human and I need to be loved! Just like everyone else does. (That was your obligatory Smiths moment.)
Item 3: Alcohol? Actually a depressant. Funny how that works. Oh my life, it is pain.
Item 4: Oh, I finished that fic I said I would do!![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
about_rey, this is no longer really a get well present, but more like a 'Hey! Good job getting well!' present. Also, it kind of sucks, but that disclaimer should be before everything I write. Anyway, this is for you!
Heh. It's almost like a drunk post! Only... I'm not drunk. Oh well. I tried.
BUT ANYWAY. For the record, I finished this well before I imbibed any alcohol, I just have been too busy to post it.
Oh, item 5: I can't write drabbles, so this is longer than I intended. (Item 6: Someday I should find a way to think of good titles for things I write.)
Prince of Tennis
Tezuka/Fuji
Prompt was: Fuji forgiving Tezuka for infidelity - oh Fuji. Get a better man!
There was no reason for Fuji to forgive him. The fault had been entirely Tezuka's, and while he'd apologized, it changed nothing. He had betrayed Fuji's trust, and Fuji wasn't the type to take that lightly.
They'd fought, of course. It hadn't started out as a fight, really, it had started out with Tezuka apologizing, and asking forgiveness. Fuji couldn't really remember what he'd said, but he was fairly certain it had been cruel. He'd wanted to make Tezuka hurt as much as he did. Judging from the look on Tezuka's face, it had worked.
Then Fuji had walked out, fully intending to leave Tezuka, and their relationship, in the past. No more anger, no more tears, no more betrayal. He would start clean, and maybe eventually he would find someone new. He didn't doubt his ability to move on, Fuji could do nearly anything if he set his mind to it.
It was more difficult than he thought.
He found himself, almost unconsciously, going places where Tezuka might be. For awhile he tried to justify it by saying that, of course, they did many of the same things, had many of the same friends. It was only coincidence. But Fuji wasn't an idiot. He knew that wasn't true.
He wanted to see Tezuka. Even though it never helped, it only made him feel hurt and empty inside.
Fuji couldn't lie to himself for long. He still loved Tezuka, and he hated himself for it, a little bit. He should be capable of moving on. People did, all the time.
He tried again. This time, he was very careful to stay away from Tezuka as much as possible, no matter how much he may have wanted to see the other.
Fuji was fairly certain it would have worked, too, until the day he and Tezuka ended up alone together.
It was a complete accident, of course. Fuji had been trying to stay away, and he thought Tezuka probably had, too. While it was impossible to completely avoid each other, they had managed to completely avoid being alone with each other.
Until now.
The moment Fuji realized it, he tried to leave. Picking up his bag, he headed for the door, not looking at Tezuka, until Tezuka stepped in front of him and grabbed his arm.
Fuji looked up.
"Don't leave. Please. I've been trying to get you alone for weeks." Tezuka's eyes were serious, his voice soft, but his grip on Fuji's arm was just firm enough that Fuji couldn't easily get away.
Fuji blinked, surprised. He'd thought... well, differently. But it didn't matter, even Fuji could make mistakes occasionally. "I've been trying to avoid you for weeks."
"I know." Tezuka took a breath and visibly steeled himself. "Fuji, please. I may not deserve your forgiveness, but that doesn't mean I can't ask you for it again. I should never have done that, I should never have hurt you. All I can ask is that you give me one more chance."
Listening, Fuji could hear the note of sincerity in Tezuka's tone. He meant what he said, but did it really change anything? Tezuka had still hurt him.
Faced with this choice, looking at Tezuka again, Fuji picked over the emotions he'd felt during the past weeks. Anger, bitterness, hurt, overwhelming loneliness. He'd thought, if he wasn't enough for Tezuka, what good was he? Just thinking that had made him angrier. After all, what right did Tezuka have to be able to make Fuji feel worthless so easily?
He had no reason to think that Tezuka wouldn't do it again. He'd made promises before and broken them, why not again?
Tezuka's grip slackened and his hands fell. Fuji looked at him, blue eyes open and clear, taking in the one before him. Tezuka looked the same as ever, as unchanging as a mountain, the only sign he was at all bothered were the slight stress lines around his mouth and the look in his eyes. It was almost desperate.
Fuji knew he should push Tezuka out of the way, walk past him and leave. Leave this pathetic, broken relationship in the dust. He could do it. He was strong. He could last through the pain and the healing, and continue on to find something else, to be somebody besides Tezuka's. Maybe no one's.
Fuji knew his own strength and his own abilities, and he knew he could do it, difficult as it would be. He knew he should do it. He just didn't want to.
His eyes flickered down and away, and he sighed. "One more chance." His voice was shakier than he would have liked. "It's yours."
Fuji didn't have a chance to look up before Tezuka stepped forward and pulled him close. Tezuka held him more tightly than before, almost tightly enough to be painful, but Fuji didn't mind. He felt his lips curve into a smile that he couldn't quite control, the first real smile in weeks.
He didn't want to let Tezuka go. And it was all right, because it seemed Tezuka didn't want to let him go, either.
Item 2: I am human and I need to be loved! Just like everyone else does. (That was your obligatory Smiths moment.)
Item 3: Alcohol? Actually a depressant. Funny how that works. Oh my life, it is pain.
Item 4: Oh, I finished that fic I said I would do!
about_rey, this is no longer really a get well present, but more like a 'Hey! Good job getting well!' present. Also, it kind of sucks, but that disclaimer should be before everything I write. Anyway, this is for you!Heh. It's almost like a drunk post! Only... I'm not drunk. Oh well. I tried.
BUT ANYWAY. For the record, I finished this well before I imbibed any alcohol, I just have been too busy to post it.
Oh, item 5: I can't write drabbles, so this is longer than I intended. (Item 6: Someday I should find a way to think of good titles for things I write.)
Prince of Tennis
Tezuka/Fuji
Prompt was: Fuji forgiving Tezuka for infidelity - oh Fuji. Get a better man!
There was no reason for Fuji to forgive him. The fault had been entirely Tezuka's, and while he'd apologized, it changed nothing. He had betrayed Fuji's trust, and Fuji wasn't the type to take that lightly.
They'd fought, of course. It hadn't started out as a fight, really, it had started out with Tezuka apologizing, and asking forgiveness. Fuji couldn't really remember what he'd said, but he was fairly certain it had been cruel. He'd wanted to make Tezuka hurt as much as he did. Judging from the look on Tezuka's face, it had worked.
Then Fuji had walked out, fully intending to leave Tezuka, and their relationship, in the past. No more anger, no more tears, no more betrayal. He would start clean, and maybe eventually he would find someone new. He didn't doubt his ability to move on, Fuji could do nearly anything if he set his mind to it.
It was more difficult than he thought.
He found himself, almost unconsciously, going places where Tezuka might be. For awhile he tried to justify it by saying that, of course, they did many of the same things, had many of the same friends. It was only coincidence. But Fuji wasn't an idiot. He knew that wasn't true.
He wanted to see Tezuka. Even though it never helped, it only made him feel hurt and empty inside.
Fuji couldn't lie to himself for long. He still loved Tezuka, and he hated himself for it, a little bit. He should be capable of moving on. People did, all the time.
He tried again. This time, he was very careful to stay away from Tezuka as much as possible, no matter how much he may have wanted to see the other.
Fuji was fairly certain it would have worked, too, until the day he and Tezuka ended up alone together.
It was a complete accident, of course. Fuji had been trying to stay away, and he thought Tezuka probably had, too. While it was impossible to completely avoid each other, they had managed to completely avoid being alone with each other.
Until now.
The moment Fuji realized it, he tried to leave. Picking up his bag, he headed for the door, not looking at Tezuka, until Tezuka stepped in front of him and grabbed his arm.
Fuji looked up.
"Don't leave. Please. I've been trying to get you alone for weeks." Tezuka's eyes were serious, his voice soft, but his grip on Fuji's arm was just firm enough that Fuji couldn't easily get away.
Fuji blinked, surprised. He'd thought... well, differently. But it didn't matter, even Fuji could make mistakes occasionally. "I've been trying to avoid you for weeks."
"I know." Tezuka took a breath and visibly steeled himself. "Fuji, please. I may not deserve your forgiveness, but that doesn't mean I can't ask you for it again. I should never have done that, I should never have hurt you. All I can ask is that you give me one more chance."
Listening, Fuji could hear the note of sincerity in Tezuka's tone. He meant what he said, but did it really change anything? Tezuka had still hurt him.
Faced with this choice, looking at Tezuka again, Fuji picked over the emotions he'd felt during the past weeks. Anger, bitterness, hurt, overwhelming loneliness. He'd thought, if he wasn't enough for Tezuka, what good was he? Just thinking that had made him angrier. After all, what right did Tezuka have to be able to make Fuji feel worthless so easily?
He had no reason to think that Tezuka wouldn't do it again. He'd made promises before and broken them, why not again?
Tezuka's grip slackened and his hands fell. Fuji looked at him, blue eyes open and clear, taking in the one before him. Tezuka looked the same as ever, as unchanging as a mountain, the only sign he was at all bothered were the slight stress lines around his mouth and the look in his eyes. It was almost desperate.
Fuji knew he should push Tezuka out of the way, walk past him and leave. Leave this pathetic, broken relationship in the dust. He could do it. He was strong. He could last through the pain and the healing, and continue on to find something else, to be somebody besides Tezuka's. Maybe no one's.
Fuji knew his own strength and his own abilities, and he knew he could do it, difficult as it would be. He knew he should do it. He just didn't want to.
His eyes flickered down and away, and he sighed. "One more chance." His voice was shakier than he would have liked. "It's yours."
Fuji didn't have a chance to look up before Tezuka stepped forward and pulled him close. Tezuka held him more tightly than before, almost tightly enough to be painful, but Fuji didn't mind. He felt his lips curve into a smile that he couldn't quite control, the first real smile in weeks.
He didn't want to let Tezuka go. And it was all right, because it seemed Tezuka didn't want to let him go, either.
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no subject
Date: 2006-05-28 06:29 pm (UTC):/ I didn't make sense, did I? (though it should).
Have a safe trip and I'll talk to you soon, hopefully! Thank you for the story.
no subject
Date: 2006-05-29 12:02 am (UTC)You made sense! At least, I understood. ^_^
Thanks for the good wishes, I'm pretty sure I won't die horribly! ♥
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Date: 2006-05-29 12:11 am (UTC)GOOD. And you will NOT O_O! *omg*
no subject
Date: 2006-05-29 12:16 am (UTC)I won't! I'll do my best to make it home safely. ^_^
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Date: 2006-05-29 12:24 am (UTC)And YAY! - have a fun trip back home :)!
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Date: 2006-06-17 08:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-17 09:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-17 09:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-18 12:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-18 01:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-07 03:18 pm (UTC)you know what, i think that's just about true. now that i recall my experience with alcohol -which isn't much to begin with- i can see that it had made me feel miserable more often than happy, though am glad it's never made me cry or howl like a lonely dog - or my ex roomie. so when i see a movie showing some guys drinking happily in the bar, sometimes i can't help but feel sorta envy at them.
anyway, on to fic. tezuka should be castrated. okay, that might be a bit too much, but am weak against tortured!fuji, and always have to suppress the urge to rip apart my tenipuri poster -on zuka part- everytime that stoic cardboard hurt my fuji darling. so IMO, fuji should find someone else much better. but i guess it wouldn't make him happy either ne, so if fuji forgives zuka, then i should forgive him too.
oh heck. what am trying to say is, you did good. more zukafuji please.
no subject
Date: 2006-09-08 12:40 am (UTC)Thank you for reading! I'm glad you liked it. I'm weak against tortured!Fuji too, Fuji's my favorite character so I never like it when people hurt him. And yeah, in this case Fuji is happier with Tezuka, even though he was hurt. But I don't think Tezuka will get another chane, he'd better be good from now on.