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This one is. Uh. Different. For [ profile] khrfest, "mysterious notes; Someone is leaving notes in Hibari’s office."

Tsunayoshi and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Meeting
Katekyo Hitman Reborn

Tsuna cleared his throat nervously, looking around the conference table at his Guardians. Six pairs of eyes looked back at him, ranging from bored (Lambo) to furious (Hibari). He shifted in his chair, uncomfortable.

"So... um, it has come to my attention that within our organization there have been certain... incidents of an inappropriate nature," he said, finally.

There was silence from the room until Mukuro raised an eyebrow and leaned forward. "Do you mean all the people we kill?"

"No! No, that's not what I meant," Tsuna said, already regretting this. But it seemed like problems among his Guardians were always resolved by violence, and that just lead to even more violence, and he was getting really tired of having to keep track of who could be sent on missions together without the possibility of bloodshed. "We're Mafia, the killing's not the problem here. It's... something else."

Yamamoto laughed and scratched the back of his head. "Yeah, I'm really sorry about eating Gokudera's fettuccine, but I was hungry and it was just there in the fridge, it didn't have his name on it or anything, I didn't even know it was his until he asked about it later."

"It's not that either," Tsuna said, heart slowly sinking in his chest.

"You were the one who ate it?" Gokudera said, rising up halfway out of his seat as if he was about to leap over the table and strangle Yamamoto. "You told me you didn't know what happened to it! If you keep eating my food, I'm going to kill you, idiot!"

Tsuna let out a soft moan and rested his head in his hands as Yamamoto laughed again. This meeting was not going the way he'd hoped at all.

"Spit it out, or I'm leaving," Hibari said, and Tsuna looked up at him, disappointed. He was doing this for Hibari's sake, after all. But, he thought, he probably shouldn't have expected much more. From any of them.

"It's, you know..." Tsuna looked down at the table, forcing himself to spit it out. Five years of leading the most powerful family in Italy had made it no easier to talk about certain things. "...sexual harassment," he mumbled, finally.

There was brief, blessed silence at the table. He felt them all staring at him, and tried to will himself to look up.

"I wasn't harassing them," Lambo said finally, "my younger self ran into the girls' changing room and then I got switched back. Besides, I think I've been punished enough for that. Bianchi made me eat three pieces of cake."

He had been looking rather green recently, Tsuna thought, and then shook his head. They were getting off track again. "Not you! This is... a different incident. Um." He looked at Hibari, whose eyes were narrowed. "Someone came to me and told me that they've been receiving some... explicit notes. Inappropriate stuff. So I wanted to talk to you all about it so it doesn't happen again."

Actually, it hadn't been quite like that. Hibari had stormed into Tsuna's office and deposited a pile of torn up paper on his desk, and then had told him in no uncertain terms that if he got another dirty note from Mukuro he was going to kill the Mist Guardian and then Tsuna. Tsuna was pretty sure it had been meant as a warning rather than a request for help, but he didn't want any deaths, and he'd thought it would be a good idea to go about it in a general, non-confrontational way at a meeting like this.

Obviously his ideas were really, really stupid. He made a mental note not to have any more ideas like that.

"That sounds very inappropriate," Mukuro said in that way he had that sounded like he was two seconds away from laughing in your face. "Is this our sexual harassment training, then?"

Hibari had murder in his eyes, clearly having caught on to what Tsuna was talking about, and Tsuna tried to speak before anything terrible happened. "No! We're the Mafia, we don't have sexual harassment training."

"Too bad," Mukuro said, "how are we supposed to get good at it if we don't get training?"

Tsuna stared at him in horror, and was even more horrified to see Ryohei nodding seriously in agreement.

"You don't need training," Hibari said, slamming his hand on the table, "and if you ever leave me another perverted note I'm going to strangle you with your own hair."

Well, there went his hopes of a non-confrontational resolution. Tsuna decided it was better just to hope that this meeting didn't end in another broken window or three.

Mukuro frowned at Hibari. "Why would I leave you notes, Kyoya?"

"Oh, come on, everyone knows you've been trying to get in his pants ever since you got out of jail," Gokudera said with scorn, crossing his arms and leaning back.

"I already did, three times," Mukuro said, and Tsuna choked on air, wearing the same shell-shocked expression as everyone else except for Hibari (who just looked annoyed) and Mukuro (who looked smug). "He just doesn't like to admit it."

"That doesn't give you the right to send me disgusting notes," Hibari said, "I'll kill you." Tsuna couldn't help noticing that he hadn't denied what Mukuro said.

Ryohei cleared his throat. "I am extremely sorry, Hibari. I think those notes were mine."

"What?" Hibari said, and turned on Ryohei, looking if anything more murderous than before.

"Hana said I spend too much time at work, and she wants us to communicate more and make things fun, so I wrote some notes," Ryohei said, and shrugged, a big grin on his face. "It worked, but I was wondering where the rest of the notes went. I guess I lost some, they got all shuffled up in that file I sent over about the Marconi thing!"

Silence fell around the table again. Tsuna was certain someone was going to die in the next few minutes, and at this point all he could do was hope that the carpet wouldn't get too much blood on it.

"See, you should have known it wasn't me. I mean, dirty notes, really?" Mukuro said, breaking the silence with a roll of his eyes. "If I wanted to come on to you, I wouldn't send notes. I'd do this." And then he reached out and caught Hibari's tie, pulling him close and pressing their lips together in one swift movement.

"Oh god, my eyes," Gokudera said. Tsuna didn't look. This meeting was already going to give him nightmares, he didn't need more fuel for the fire.

He stood up, gaze fixed on the table. "This meeting is dismissed! Problem solved! Everybody go home!"

"Yes, we need this room," Mukuro said, coming up for air for a brief moment.

"Oh god," Gokudera sounded even more disturbed now, and he pushed his chair back fast enough to knock it over. "I'm getting out of here. Tenth, you need to leave too before they scar your mind."

It was good advice, Tsuna thought, and he ushered the rest of the Guardians out of the room, trying not to look back at... whatever was going on back there. As he pulled the door shut behind him, he heard a thump against the wall, Mukuro's "Ow" and Hibari's "Shut up and take your pants off", and then he just tried to walk away as quickly as possible.

Never again, Tsuna thought, never again.

But on the bright side, no one had ended up dead.
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